Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Compliments v.s Creepy Comments

Hey guys, Dana here. It's been a while since I last posted here, and I apologize sincerely. With the holidays coming up, my job has been crazy busy with people placing orders for x yards of fabric to be delivered before the holidays. It's Thanksgiving Eve; I normally wouldn't be writing tonight, but because no one's around and a "pleasant" incident happened to me while I was at work today, it sparked inspiration. Let's talk about inappropriate advances via Facebook messages.

During my lunch break at work, a "friend" messaged me. The other day he was lamenting on how lonely he is and wants a girlfriend. If you know me, I'm the kind of girl who always lends an ear and wants to help friends as much as possible. So I didn't think anything of it. The past few times we talked it was music related since he was starting a band or something. So today, he asked me about how my band was going and then asked who my musical influences were. I told him about Joan Jett, the Ramones, early Green Day, The Distillers, The Gits, etc. Then this happened:

Now, when he first said "Off Topic: I like woman with a FAT butt,"(lovely spelling, I must say...) I didn't think anything of it. I thought he was simply telling me that he likes fat bottomed girls. (You make the rockin' world go round!) Sorry, as a musician I tend to break out into song and had to pay homage to Freddie Mercury. Anyway, I thought it was just an off the cuff general statement. Then once he said "Lookin good Dana" that's when I got that sick feeling in my gut. I played it off with a last ounce of hope that he was just complimenting me with "thanks hahaha I try", but the warning bells started ringing, and that's when I realized that the previous comment was directed towards me. He wants a "thick curvy woman with a lot of trunk"(whatever that means, I don't even WANT to know) and pretty much said that my appearance is what he wants to get with. I blocked him, and exposed what he did. Public humiliation.

Was that harsh? Did this person deserve public humilation? Let me get one thing clear. There is a significant difference between complimenting someone, and being inappropriate. I take compliments in stride; if anything, if I get complimented, I usually respond with this meme:

Now, I'm a modest girl. I try not to stand out as much because too much attention gets me anxious; especially if I'm wearing something formal. But, I happen to take compliments pretty well. Sure, I may blush but if someone says I'm pretty beautiful, I have a compassionate soul, or tells me I have a good singing voice, etc...I embrace those kind words. Those are really flattering comments. They're not flirting; they're just letting me see what I can't see within myself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with complimenting people; in fact, people tend to take it the wrong way. This world is negative and hateful enough as it is, so hearing someone say something nice is really uplifting. But then, there are people who think telling a woman that she is a "curvy woman with a lot of trunk" is flattering. I don't know who raised you, or made you think that it's a respectful thing to say to a woman, but you're on heroin if you think that's "cute" or "flattering." That sure as hell wouldn't get an available woman into bed with you, and most of all, it isn't cute to say that kind of thing to a woman who is in a relationship. Like, I've made it abundantly clear that I was unavailable, yet he thinks that was something that I would find flattering.

All I can say is, THINK before you speak. Never say anything that you wouldn't want someone to say to your significant other. Never tell a woman, who is NOT your significant other, that her ass is cute, curvy, or anything that is sexually suggestive. Have some respect; I'm not a piece of meat. I'm a human being with feelings just like you. How to prevent things like this from happening? You know, inappropriate messages, sexual harassment and/or assault? Use your brain, keep your mouth shut, and learn some respect.

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